Nov 14, 2005 - 0 Comments - Uncategorized -

I like Christmas junk

Imagine an ICBM silo. Imagine a Christmas tree. Now, with your mental graphics program, start to morph them together and stop half way.


Download parameter file xmas01.loo

Well, you don’t get this image, although it has a Christmassy look to it also.

I saw this cheesy, singing, 8-inch, ornamental Christmas tree for sale. You press the red button on the base and the top two-thirds of the tree starts to rise up, in missile silo fashion, revealing a miniature revolving Santa and reindeer underneath.

Syrupy music plays for a short time and is drowned out by a squeaky, child’s voice exclaiming, “I LOVE YOU SANTA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SANTA CLAUS!!!!”

More cheap music while Santa and the deer go once more around the tree. “I LOVE YOU SANTA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SANTA CLAUS!!!!”

A blast of music, the sled grinds to a halt. Down comes the evergreen cone and the hidden party is silent and camouflaged waiting to be launched by the red button.

There are a few questions: What sort of freak designed something like this? I would like to have listened in on the production meetings. Why do I like it? Have they finally figured out how to market to the nutcase segment of society? Should I then expect even better stuff next year?

I remember a scene in one of the Planet of the Apes movies where the mutants were having a “church” service. There was a big silver cone, a nuclear warhead, set up in front for everyone to worship. They sang hymns like “Oh Bomb!”

I think Santa and his nuclear Christmas tree would fit in well in any atomic shrine. A little bigger, perhaps, and add a flashing light and siren to it. Yikes, maybe I’m the kind of freak who designs things like this…